You may have noticed that this past week I did not send out an article to you all, who are on my email list. This is because I’ve been going through a dark time. I cannot identify what triggered this but I have been having flashbacks and memories of what I perceive as mistakes and regrets from my past. This includes people who I have wronged, betrayed or let down, opportunities that I have let pass me by, and missed chances to connect with people who I should have reached out to at various times in my life.
I’ve been going through some of the darkest feelings I’ve felt in a long time; sadness, grief, shame, anger and regret. At times this past week, I’ve even felt like a fraud. Here I am, physician, author, speaker, personal development guru and blogger and I’ve been wallowing in my own misery. What can I say other than the simple fact that I am simply human like everyone else and born to make mistakes. And many mistakes have I made and opportunities I’ve lost.
What I’ve done through all this turbulence is to allow myself to feel all those dark feelings and not push them deeper into my subconscious. I know that if I suppress what I feel, those feelings will simply surface again during a challenging or stressful time in my life. This is why I need to process those emotions now and allow myself to bear the onslaught of their wrath.
The strange thing is that as I allow these difficult feelings to surface and experience them fully, somehow, a space opens up within me. I can’t explain it but this space is a place of calm and solitude and protects me from what I perceive as threats to my very existence. You see, negative emotions can consume you to the point that you feel you are going to die. The truth is that you never do, not from emotions anyways. Difficult emotions are your Higher Self’s way of communicating to your mind and your ego that you have lost your way on your life’s journey and need to get back on track.
This is a valuable lesson which I have been teaching for years in talks, in my articles and in my book and it has now taken on new meaning as I’ve had to apply it to myself. In the process, I have learned, grown and continue to evolve to deeper and deeper awareness of who I am in relation to myself, my various parts, the people around me, the society I am a part of and the planet we live on.
This has helped me affirm the duality of my nature, which is that of pure being or consciousness and a human being made of flesh, blood, organs and bones, thoughts, feelings, roles and a life story. I’ve had to learn to live in balance between my humanness and my Higher Self, which is my true nature. However, I cannot ignore my humanness, which is what the experiences of this past week have taught me. I have to experience being human as much as a I long to be that Higher Self, that consciousness that transcends all material reality.
Through it all, no matter how difficult things get in this worldly life, regardless of my mistakes and regrets, I know that everything I experience is meant to help me discover more about myself and to source my life from my deeper consciousness. This is how I know that everything will be okay. I will continue to walk this earth with compassion and courage and follow the path that has been laid out for me, no matter where it takes me, even to the darkest and most obscure forest.
Whatever is happening around me is simply a reflection of what is going on inside me and where I need to go in order to unveil who I am meant to become in this process of evolution that we call human life. And what a beautiful experience it is with all of its joy and sadness, triumph and defeat, ecstasy and pain. After all, it is all pointing me to the truth about life, nature and the universe we live in, as long as I can cultivate the patience to endure and thrive through whatever life throws my way.
This is the journey of our lives and this is what my darkness has taught me, so I bless it with all my heart and thank it for teaching me such valuable lessons. Enjoy your life’s journey no matter where it takes you because you have no idea what awaits you on the other side. Know that darkness is simply your light obscured, and you can make it shine brightly regardless of the depths of darkness that you find yourself in.
Dr. Nauman Naeem