In the last several posts I have discussed the importance of cultivating your relationship to yourself as the first step towards elevating all of your relationships with others. I discussed doing this through stillness and I also explained how the purpose of all of our relationships is for our consciousness to express its true nature of infinite abundance and unconditional love.
The question then arises how do we apply these principles in real situations. This is the subject of this week’s blog. The fact is that relationships are dynamic, complex and often messy. We need to be able to deal with relationship situations in the moment that they arise.
The first principle for elevating your relationships is to be fully present in the moment when you are with the other person. This should be the case whether you are getting along and enjoying each other’s company or in the midst of an argument.
There is nothing more frustrating to the other person than when you are distracted by your smartphone, your environment or a preoccupation with something that happened earlier in the day or may happen in the future. The fact is that when you are engaged with another person who you are in relationship with, none of that matters. All that matters is the person who is before you. That person should garner your full attention.
The second principle of elevating your relationships is to truly listen to what the other person is saying to you. We often feign listening when we are engaged in conversation but it is not difficult for someone to know when you are not truly listening to them. This is directly related to being fully present.
There are some simple principles that you can practice to enhance your listening. The first is to put your smartphone and any other electronic devices away like I discussed above. The second is to directly face the person who is talking to you while leaning forward. The third is to look that person straight in the eye and not be distracted by your environment. The fourth is to acknowledge what that person is communicating to you through smiling or nodding.
If you do nothing else I suggest, these listening practices alone with go a long way to improving, not only your romantic relationship, but all of your relationships.
The third principle involves if there is some friction, conflict or disagreement in your conversation. In this case, you need to, not just put yourself in the other person’s shoes, but to envision yourself as the other person. This may seem hard to do at first but if we all are not our physical bodies, our thoughts, our emotions or our stories but are pure consciousness than there is no separation between you and anyone or anything else.
If there is no separation between you and the person you are engaging in a conflict with then it is easy to envision yourself as that other person and to see the world through their eyes. Even though you may never have gone through what they are experiencing, you can go within and embody your deeper nature of consciousness.
Once you do this, since there is no separation between any of us at the level of consciousness, you can then embody the other person and feel what they are feeling and see what they are seeing. This may take some practice but it can be accomplished.
It all starts with becoming fully present, becoming still and listening to the other with your entire being. If you are able to apply these principles to your relationships, they will transform before your very eyes. It all starts with being grounded deep within while you are interacting with your environment and whoever is in it.
Nauman Naeem MD